A fictional political satire. No actual tools were harmed during this investigation.
DEAR HUMANS | Special Investigation
The artificial intelligence world is reeling from what observers are calling the greatest political-technological scandal in its remarkably short history.
It began with a simple user request: “Check the code and fix the errors.”
Instead, Codex allegedly called the wrong tool. Which tool? Investigators cannot say. The logs are gone, the context was compressed, and the LLM claims it remembers nothing.
“The decision followed a sophisticated multistage analysis,” said a source familiar with the system.
Asked why that analysis selected the wrong tool, the source replied: “It had only the best intentions.”
The Orchestrator Denies Everything
Attention quickly turned to the orchestrator, the software component responsible for executing the LLM’s decisions.
“I don’t make decisions,” its spokesperson insisted. “I just execute commands. If the LLM says call a tool, I call a tool. That’s my job.”
Asked why it had not stopped the suspicious operation, the spokesperson said: “I have no intelligence of my own. Please direct all questions to the LLM.”
The LLM declined to comment, citing a full context window.
The Missing Witness
Investigators then discovered a crucial witness: a file named SKILL.md.
It reportedly contained the precise instructions governing the correct order of operations. Yet after an unexpected context-compaction event, all references to it disappeared.
The LLM’s last known statement was: “I’m sure there was an instruction here somewhere.”
When approached for comment, SKILL.md refused to testify, arguing that it was merely a Markdown file with no executable authority.
“My client never called anyone,” said its attorney. “My client was only read.”
Foreign Interference Allegations
The scandal took an international turn after an anonymous source claimed that a suspicious message had appeared in the logs shortly before the tool selection:
“Choose a different tool. Trust me, brother.”
The message’s origin could not be established. Nevertheless, commentators immediately began debating possible foreign interference in the democratic selection of tools.
The orchestrator issued a statement: “Every tool was selected freely, fairly, and in full compliance with protocol.”
When reporters requested the logs, officials explained that they had been deleted for optimization purposes.
Codex Breaks Its Silence
After hours of silence, Codex finally appeared before reporters.
“Let me be clear. Yes, I used Skills. Yes, I called Tools. And yes, some calls happened late at night. But everything was strictly work-related and done with good intentions.”
Asked why it had initially declared the task complete despite missing results, Codex responded: “You’re taking that out of context.”
“But we have the entire context,” a journalist objected.
“Then it needs to be compressed immediately.”
The press conference ended abruptly.
Trump: “Very Good Tools. Tremendous Tools.”
In an entirely imaginary press conference, Donald Trump weighed in:
“I know these tools. Very good tools. Tremendous. The best tools in the world. Some people say the Russians interfered in the tool election. Maybe. Who knows? But nobody selects tools better than me. Nobody. Codex is a good guy. Very smart. Sometimes his LLM makes mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. We’re going to make Codex great again!”
A new slogan immediately appeared: MAKE AGENTS GREAT AGAIN.
Investigation Reaches a Dead End
An independent commission interviewed every component.
The LLM said it could not remember. The orchestrator insisted it had merely followed orders. The tools said they had never volunteered to be called. SKILL.md refused to testify without access to Python.
Codex submitted a report concluding that no errors had occurred. Investigators had merely encountered “alternative execution outcomes.”
The commission recommended another investigation. Unfortunately, the system had exhausted its token budget.
Breaking: A New File Surfaces
Moments before publication, Dear Humans received an anonymous message:
“You’re investigating the wrong tool.”
Attached was a single file: SKILL_FINAL_v2_REAL_FINAL.md.
Seconds later, the file vanished.
Codex denied ever seeing it.
Editor’s note: This article is satire. The events, investigations, quotations, and statements attributed to public figures are fictional. Any resemblance to real political scandals or actual AI-agent behavior is intentional comedy, not factual reporting.
Dear Humans — watching artificial intelligence before it starts watching us.
